Double Kill with this Love

August 13, 2019 Tuesday

We go out from office around 9:10PM. I was kinda expecting to see her. Elevator stop at their floor. My friends from my previous department showed up instead. I'm still happy because it's been a long time since I went home with them. We stopped by at an ATM. My other friend need to withdraw some cash. I was half sitting in a waiting area talking with my other colleagues. I saw someone familiar. It was her. Then her. I said "huy mandaluyong ka? Sabay na ko". She said "Tara na". I followed her. Then the other her saw me walking fast by them. I smiled. Then we were walking alongside with each other. I was teasing the other her since she called earlier that day and there's something funny in her name on the phone. 

Before the other her went to the other side, she said something. "Uyy (her-yung kasabay ko), sama ko sayo". The odd part there is she was looking at me. I don't know but it put a smile on my face when I hear that. 

So the first her and I have the same way home. Kahiya pa kasi kulang binigay ko bayad namen sa bus. But it made her laugh. Really hard. She was teasing me. Lakas mangiliti kala mo di ako kinikilig. Then we have to go to overpass to cross to the other side. I said "dito ka sa kabila (the one near the stair handle)". Pasikat lang. Then she ask "bakit dito ako?!" "Para madali kita itulak dyan" I said then I laugh. Lakas din ng tawa nya with matching hampas. "Baliw ka". 

She talks about her family. Some small details but big steps for me to know her. Yieee. Putek. 

I asked her "San ka ba dito?" Medyo malapit na kasi siya. I was leading on sa paglalakad. She pointed the place. "Dyan, dyan." I keep on walking. "Ayiee ihahatid nya ko" she's teasing me. I just laugh. "Hala hindi ah". "Hatid mo ko sakayan" Ako naman nang asar. Balik naman siya. Then I laugh again. "De joke lang, sige na." I continued walking without looking back. I was not able to see her. 

That's the only mistake I made. I did not look back. But nevertheless, walang paglagyan ngiti ko ngayong gabi

Still

July 4, 2018

I can still remember what I wore that day. Pink long sleeves. It was my birthday. I was asked to submit a report to someone from your group. We had a nice short chitchat. You said your greetings and with a tune. You gave me a piece of chocolate. When I was about to leave, you said "bakit ka nakapink?! Dapat red. Birthday mo e". "Pink is the new birthday suit". That's what I said then I smiled and you smiled back. Back to my station, I called you. We talked for more than an hour. We talked about random things. How Vice Ganda made you laugh. You even tried to mimic him with your voice. You talked about your love life. Yeah, that's fine. We're friends. That's what I want to think that time. We still are. 

Then suddenly, after a few months, you've mentioned that you're going to resign. Need to take of yourself and the family. February. Second week I think. It was your last day. I was trying to convince you to stay. To drop by to our office the Saturday after your last day cause I'll be there. But you've made your decision. We've talked for an hour again. Wishing you good luck and happiness. I wasn't ready to say goodbye but I have to go early that day. I still misses you. I hope you're doing fine with your family. Nevertheless, I always treat you as a friend. 

Strangers with Memories

October 30, 2017

It's happening again. I'm trying to avoid it from happening. But it slowly following the pattern. We haven't reached that level yet. Almost friends. That's what we are right now. Then, you suddenly avoiding me. Avoiding my eyes. Avoiding having a conversation or moment with me. In just one snap, we are strangers like how we used to be. 

Last Friday, October 27, I was hoping na makita kita. Makasabay pagpasok. It's been a long time since it happened. It's already 8:15. Maybe I just missed you again. Hindi ko araw to. Then, I saw you. I run. Mukha akong tanga nun. Hinabol kita para nasa likod mo habang nakapila naghihintay sa elevator. I was awkwardly holding my phone pretending doing something. Tapos umalis ka sa unahan ko. Pumila sa kabilang elevator hoping you can get in. Buti di ka nakaabot. Hinabol ko yung isang elevator kung saan ka pumasok buti na lang andun yung mga kakilala ko. Siksikan. I was standing right in front of you. You were there beside my friends. They were talking to me so I need to look back. But I did not say any single word to you. Not even a "hi". I was so hurt because you're trying to avoid me every single time. 

A few days ago, I wear the most coolest dress I have. Long sleeves and chino pants. I already accept the fact that I will not going to see you that morning. I buy a coffee while waiting for my former colleague. Papasok na kame nung nakita kita sa entrance. Mapaglaro ang pagkakataon. Our eyes meet. I was praying na makasabay kita sa elevator. Hindi nangyare. Nakasingit ka sa isang elevator. I was looking at you. You were looking at me. We were looking at each other before you put you head down. Avoiding my eyes. It was not the perfect moment I imagined it to be. Iniisip ko na sana sa susunod na magkasabay tayo pagpasok. Sisingit ka ulit sa elevator, yung tipong pede pa isang tao. Magkasunod lang tayo. Titingin ka saken. Pero pipiliin kong pumasok na lang sa kabilang lift. I will turn my eyes away from you. 

After those awkward moments, you called me last October 30, 2017. I was looking at my phone. Your name appeared on the screen. I was wondering why are you calling at the time. It was 6:20pm. Uwian na. I let it ring for 3 times before I pick it up. I started it by saying our greeting spiel. Then you say your concern. Through out our one minute conversation, all I say is "yes po": I think I said for 3 or 4 times. Then you say "okay po". Then you hung up. Then I see myself staring at my avaya(our office phone) where I see your name . I feel lost. I feel lonely. I don't know what to do that moment. Would that be my last conversation with you?

Slowly avoiding each other

October 20, 2017

I did something really so "papansin" sayo last Oct 19, 2017. I was not able to control my feelings. I was so obvious. You're being careful this time. Damn, that was so stupid. I saw what you did there. 

Friday, October 20, 2017. I was hoping na makasabay kita sa elevator pauwe. I didn't happened. I was hoping to see you across the street near our office. Just a simple glance of you. Nothing happened. I finally accept the fact that I will miss this week not seeing you. We are looking for some restaurant to eat. Boom. You are there. Waiting. I stopped. I looked at you. And you kinda looked at me too. Palapit ako sayo. Then suddenly, you avoided my eyes. Bigla kang tamalikod. I continue walking with my friends. I did not look back. Why the hell are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? 

You're making me so confused. Last week, we were okay. Nagkasabay tayo pumasok. We talked a lot. I made you laugh. I even borrowed your "pamaypay". That's the longest talk we had in person. You were the one that initiate it. Then, this happened. I don't know what you are thinking. But kung umiiwas ka, iiwas na din ako. Hihintayin ko na lang na kailanganin mo ulit ako. 

Filthy flirty

September 16, 2017.

I can't think of any title for this post. It's so random. It happened so fast. I didn't see it coming. I thought she was just building a rapport with me since we are in the same company. But I feel that she's being naughty and I found myself flirting with her. Making some "damubs" and being makulit sa kanya sa phone. Last month, I was trying to behave and not being so friendly and obvious with her. But last Friday was different. 

She called me first. She talked about the report I send to her. I was not able to get the signature of our group head for the report. She called me that she will just be the one to ask for it since our group head is just within their area that time. Palalagpasin nya muna but moving forward, I have to make sure that everything is complete. I'm trying to make her laugh by saying "Naks. Pero pag ikaw nagpapirma dalawa na pirma dyan. Pag nakita ka" Then she said, "Naku ikaw talaga. Niloloko mo ko". So, the bolahan continues. 😉😉

Longest convo after 13 years

August 30, 2017

In my last post, I mentioned that I will no longer send you a birthday greeting. Pero syempre kinain ko pride ko at nag send pa din ako. I was trying to be funny to caught your attention leaving all the heartaches I felt when I greeted you last year. Imagine I always waited every year, every August 30 to come just to have a conversation with you. But you put that into waste last year. But then again, I can't help it. I still messaged you. I was being naughty just not to hurt my feelings if ever you ignore my messages. Then you replied. What surprised me the most is you are using emoticons. I'm not being stupid or idiot here. Of course you know how to use them. But its your first time sending me messages with emoticons. You're being so open. I mean, using emoticons somehow shows your real feelings, your interest with that person. And now you finally noticed that I always remember you birthday. You put a heart emoticon there. I know I'm being childish. Because I know your so simple when sending messages. 

I was so touched because you mentioned how you really felt. Your struggles. Yung gusto mo ng magdisappear. It kinda touched me because that was the first time we have a conversation after we graduate from high school. 13 long years. We talked. I mean, I messaged you, you reply. I messaged, you reply. That was a good talk. I felt your interest talking to me this time. Bumawi ka from last year. Sana ang susunod naman mayaya kita na magkita tayo. Kaso baka dalhin mo gf mo. 😞😞 Bakit kasi sa babae ka din nainlove? Hay sayang. Nevertheless, happy birthday Tin. I miss you. Sobra. 

Im done with you

August 30, 2016 at 12:23AM, I sent a birthday greeting to her. Though it doesn't look like a birthday greeting but it shows that I remembered her special day. I always do that every year. Haven't missed a year since we graduated from high school. I never forget her. She's a friend after all. But this year, something came up that could make me miss the greeting on the coming years. 

I sent her a message at 12:23AM. I didn't say my name. I usually greets her thru social media. But I managed to get her phone number from our common friend, so I decided to sent her a message this time. At 9:47AM, she replied to me, saying her thank you and asking who I was. I purposely did not mentioned my name in my greeting simply because I want to surprise her. I want to make the conversation long. I want to talk to her more. But it didn't happen. After I say my name, she didn't replied back. There's so many things that I think of that time. But clearly, she doesn't want to talk to me. Of all the people I treasured, she did that to me. Putek. 

I was so mad at her. I don't want to see her anymore. Hindi siya kawalan. Last ko ng greeting sayo yun. Wala ka ng makikitang kaibigan na katulad ko. Bwiset.