It's happening again. I'm trying to avoid it from happening. But it slowly following the pattern. We haven't reached that level yet. Almost friends. That's what we are right now. Then, you suddenly avoiding me. Avoiding my eyes. Avoiding having a conversation or moment with me. In just one snap, we are strangers like how we used to be.
Last Friday, October 27, I was hoping na makita kita. Makasabay pagpasok. It's been a long time since it happened. It's already 8:15. Maybe I just missed you again. Hindi ko araw to. Then, I saw you. I run. Mukha akong tanga nun. Hinabol kita para nasa likod mo habang nakapila naghihintay sa elevator. I was awkwardly holding my phone pretending doing something. Tapos umalis ka sa unahan ko. Pumila sa kabilang elevator hoping you can get in. Buti di ka nakaabot. Hinabol ko yung isang elevator kung saan ka pumasok buti na lang andun yung mga kakilala ko. Siksikan. I was standing right in front of you. You were there beside my friends. They were talking to me so I need to look back. But I did not say any single word to you. Not even a "hi". I was so hurt because you're trying to avoid me every single time.
A few days ago, I wear the most coolest dress I have. Long sleeves and chino pants. I already accept the fact that I will not going to see you that morning. I buy a coffee while waiting for my former colleague. Papasok na kame nung nakita kita sa entrance. Mapaglaro ang pagkakataon. Our eyes meet. I was praying na makasabay kita sa elevator. Hindi nangyare. Nakasingit ka sa isang elevator. I was looking at you. You were looking at me. We were looking at each other before you put you head down. Avoiding my eyes. It was not the perfect moment I imagined it to be. Iniisip ko na sana sa susunod na magkasabay tayo pagpasok. Sisingit ka ulit sa elevator, yung tipong pede pa isang tao. Magkasunod lang tayo. Titingin ka saken. Pero pipiliin kong pumasok na lang sa kabilang lift. I will turn my eyes away from you.
After those awkward moments, you called me last October 30, 2017. I was looking at my phone. Your name appeared on the screen. I was wondering why are you calling at the time. It was 6:20pm. Uwian na. I let it ring for 3 times before I pick it up. I started it by saying our greeting spiel. Then you say your concern. Through out our one minute conversation, all I say is "yes po": I think I said for 3 or 4 times. Then you say "okay po". Then you hung up. Then I see myself staring at my avaya(our office phone) where I see your name . I feel lost. I feel lonely. I don't know what to do that moment. Would that be my last conversation with you?
Walang komento:
Mag-post ng isang Komento