Just Friends

December 15, 2014. 12:08AM

I don't know what my true feelings for this friend of mine. She's just the typical friend  that most of us can have. On appearance, she's quite a pretty lady, but not the head-over-heels type of girl. She's not that sweet and has the tendency to become impatience over small things. But I don't know, I cared more for her than to other girl friends that I have. When she got sick, I was really worried and I felt like I have to show her how concerned I am, how worried I am for her. It's like I want to showoff myself to her. I want her to feel and know that no matter what happens, I will be there for her, always. 

There are times when we missed talking to each other because I went home early after meeting or I just wanted not to talk to her so she will miss me and look for me. I want her to be conscious that she was not able to see and talk to me that day. I like the feeling of being cared for especially from those people I really cared about. It is childish, yes. But it feels good. There's one time when she was calling me but I never look at her. Instead I look to my other friend and started talking to her. She was puzzled. She texted me why I did that and I just reason out that I was talking to our other friend. It is a very lame excuse. She didn't believe it. I expected that from her. She demands an explanation when we saw each other but I can't give her one. When I look onto her eyes, she was sincere and concern. She asked me if she did something wrong that made me mad at her. I just assured her that I was not mad at her and will never be. In my experience, when I started to feel that kind of feeling to someone, it means that person is becoming so special for me. And that is bad. But I think, I am thinking too much of my relationship with that person. Or maybe I just wanted to have someone whom I can call "best friend" because I don't have one. Yes, I guess so. I just want to be her friend. That will benefit me more. Just friends.